Today was pretty big milestone for the girls, Nora, and I. We made it out of the house. Yea, you read that right. It may seem like not a big task for most of you, but those that have kids understand just how hard this can be at the beginning and then increase that by two since we have twins. Don't get me wrong, we have made little trips up the street for a walk in the stroller to get frozen yogurt, or pick up lunch at the Italian restaurant, and let's not forget all the doctor and dentist visits we've had the first 3 weeks. This one was the big boy though. We decided last night that we were going to jump in with both feet to venture.................................................to the mall. Weeeeeeeeeeeeee. The Dulles Town Center Mall was going to be the first time the girls went out in public for more then 20 minutes that didn't include a doctor of any sort. Buckle up, because this could get a little dicey.
I want to indulge a little more on what I said in the opening paragraph. Some of you reading have kids so you can skip over this part if you want, but I need to talk about just how near impossible it is to get out of the house with twins. With one, Nora and I can only imagine that you feed, pump, get the kid in the car seat and are out of the house in 35-40 minutes after all of this is done. With twins all of this has to happen, but twice. By the time you settle one down the other is screaming at the top of it's lungs, it's an hour since you've fed and pumped, oh and by the way, you still haven't gotten clothes on yourself to leave yet. Did I mention they eat every 2-3 hours? So again, I'll take you on a small little elementary school math session. Nora started feeding at 10 am, she is just now starting to tandem feed the last two days (I'm not even going to get into this, but lets just say I think she is a superhero) so they both feed at the same time which saves us about 30 minutes. Both fed for about 30 minutes so we are at 10:30 am. She needs to pump which she does for 15 minutes and by the time we put the milk away and the pump shit we are now at 10:50. Laundry needs to be put in for both the girls and our clothes, so she literally chucks a load in the wash and is off to brush her hair, teeth, and get some clothes on. She does this and we are at about 11:15 am. Great. Girls don't need to eat again until about 12:45 so we have about an hour and a half to get the stuff done we want and feel like people in the real world again. Wrong. Car's not packed, and oh by the way we are also bringing Stark to his doggy daycare. After I turn the car on with the AC since it's still 159 degress here in VA, pack the stroller in, put the girls in their car seats, and then put the car seats in the car we are off. Yessssssssss. Wait a minute. It's fucking 11:45 am? If the girls wake up on the early end of their feeding schedule we have exactly 15 minutes to get Stark to daycare, and apparently sprint through the Dulles Town Center Mall? God damn it. At this point I'm not going to lie, Nora and I feel defeated. We are never leaving the house until the girls are in college. We have a pep talk with each other and just decide to do it. We can't schedule everything around the girls, so we decide to just go for it. Stark is great with the girls in their car seats for the first time, and we drop him off at daycare and are off to the mall.
We get to the mall safely and Nora is in the store returning a few things. I am outside the store with the stroller rocking it back and forth with the girls in it. They were great the entire time sleeping, not making a peep. It's everything else I saw at the mall that I want to discuss further. As I was standing outside the store waiting on Nora with the girls it hit me. Holy shit, I'm one of those dads right now with his kids in a stroller. We were everywhere. Have you ever gone to the mall at 1 pm on a Friday afternoon during the school year? It's basically losers that don't have jobs and parents with their newborn and toddler kids. Never in a million years would I think I had something in common with the guy that just pushed his stroller by me wearing his nubs no name brand sneakers and paint stained shirt, but here I was. You and me are bonded by this secret society that apparently meets at the mall during the weekday at these times pal. I can go with it, because I'm sure there are normal people pushing their kids around right? I think I saw 2, maybe 3.
The looks you get when people realize their are two babies are priceless. Imagine you see something in the distance and you think you realize what it is. As you get closer, it comes more into focus and you realize it's not what you thought. Holy shit this fucking guy has two babies. The look is a combination of fear for themselves and sorrow for me. It's actually hysterical. This happened at least 5-6 times today. It's ok people, we are going to survive. The guy that took the medal for this was the worker at Foot Locker. Before I get to him, I need to rant about this place. Footlocker is trying to make people with strollers not shop at their store. I'm serious. They have rolling racks strategically placed around the store so eventually you just say fuck it and leave because you're tired of trying to maneuver around the store without hitting anything because if you do and it wakes up both your kids. Things go from 0 to 2,000 really fast in this scenario. After trying to avoid the racks and tables like I was playing minesweeper, the associate asked me if he could help from behind the register. As he walked out from behind the register, he focused in on the fact I was pushing a stroller with two infants. He instantly didn't know what to do. I made it easy on him and asked if he had what I was looking for. He quickly said no, and this may have been due to the fact he actually didn't have what I needed, or he was so freaked out that I had twins that he didn't want to have to deal with me any longer before pee started trickling down his leg. Either way I found what I needed in another store so everything was right in the world again. The next thing about the mall that I noticed is kids walking around. I'm not talking toddlers, but 8-12 year old kids just walking around with their parents. School just fucking started last week for you bastards and we are already skipping? Not on my watch girls so don't get any bright ideas.
The final thing I am going to talk about at the mall had nothing to do with Nora and I, but I have to put it in here. We were walking out of one of the stores and I just so happened to look across the way to Bath and Body Works and there was a women pushing a stroller with twins that were about 2 years old in it. Before I could even make a comment about anything, she slams the stroller into the thanksgiving seasonal soap display forcing her stroller to tip over and the kids are now in a free fall. The boy is completely out and is under the small cardboard 20% off sign and her daughter is dangling out of the seat half strapped in still. I do the only thing that is right. I immediately point it out to Nora and we start to laugh. Oh please, if that just made you angry and you are sitting there saying to yourself I can't believe they laughed, then you haven't read my first few blog posts and you probably should just stop reading all together. Forever. Nobody got hurt and this women just nailed the pumpkin spice soap display sending her son into a catapulted adventure and her daughter was dangling like she just had finished bungee jumping hahahahaha. I mean does this women know I'm writing a blog and did she do this on purpose? I couldn't believe it. Nora was laughing, I was laughing, the girls were still sleeping and we were on our way to the Starbucks kiosk in the middle of the mall. Hey don't judge, our girls were still safely in the stroller snug as a bug in a rug. Winning.
Oh, and shout out to Baby Gap for having a PJ zip up onesie for $4. It's white with money blue crabs on it. Maybe the women that tipped her stroller over with both kids in it was trying to get to Baby Gap to scoop up this rare find. We'll never really know, but I can almost guarantee those kids are going to fall out of her stroller again hahahahaha. Until next time people!
I want to indulge a little more on what I said in the opening paragraph. Some of you reading have kids so you can skip over this part if you want, but I need to talk about just how near impossible it is to get out of the house with twins. With one, Nora and I can only imagine that you feed, pump, get the kid in the car seat and are out of the house in 35-40 minutes after all of this is done. With twins all of this has to happen, but twice. By the time you settle one down the other is screaming at the top of it's lungs, it's an hour since you've fed and pumped, oh and by the way, you still haven't gotten clothes on yourself to leave yet. Did I mention they eat every 2-3 hours? So again, I'll take you on a small little elementary school math session. Nora started feeding at 10 am, she is just now starting to tandem feed the last two days (I'm not even going to get into this, but lets just say I think she is a superhero) so they both feed at the same time which saves us about 30 minutes. Both fed for about 30 minutes so we are at 10:30 am. She needs to pump which she does for 15 minutes and by the time we put the milk away and the pump shit we are now at 10:50. Laundry needs to be put in for both the girls and our clothes, so she literally chucks a load in the wash and is off to brush her hair, teeth, and get some clothes on. She does this and we are at about 11:15 am. Great. Girls don't need to eat again until about 12:45 so we have about an hour and a half to get the stuff done we want and feel like people in the real world again. Wrong. Car's not packed, and oh by the way we are also bringing Stark to his doggy daycare. After I turn the car on with the AC since it's still 159 degress here in VA, pack the stroller in, put the girls in their car seats, and then put the car seats in the car we are off. Yessssssssss. Wait a minute. It's fucking 11:45 am? If the girls wake up on the early end of their feeding schedule we have exactly 15 minutes to get Stark to daycare, and apparently sprint through the Dulles Town Center Mall? God damn it. At this point I'm not going to lie, Nora and I feel defeated. We are never leaving the house until the girls are in college. We have a pep talk with each other and just decide to do it. We can't schedule everything around the girls, so we decide to just go for it. Stark is great with the girls in their car seats for the first time, and we drop him off at daycare and are off to the mall.
We get to the mall safely and Nora is in the store returning a few things. I am outside the store with the stroller rocking it back and forth with the girls in it. They were great the entire time sleeping, not making a peep. It's everything else I saw at the mall that I want to discuss further. As I was standing outside the store waiting on Nora with the girls it hit me. Holy shit, I'm one of those dads right now with his kids in a stroller. We were everywhere. Have you ever gone to the mall at 1 pm on a Friday afternoon during the school year? It's basically losers that don't have jobs and parents with their newborn and toddler kids. Never in a million years would I think I had something in common with the guy that just pushed his stroller by me wearing his nubs no name brand sneakers and paint stained shirt, but here I was. You and me are bonded by this secret society that apparently meets at the mall during the weekday at these times pal. I can go with it, because I'm sure there are normal people pushing their kids around right? I think I saw 2, maybe 3.
The looks you get when people realize their are two babies are priceless. Imagine you see something in the distance and you think you realize what it is. As you get closer, it comes more into focus and you realize it's not what you thought. Holy shit this fucking guy has two babies. The look is a combination of fear for themselves and sorrow for me. It's actually hysterical. This happened at least 5-6 times today. It's ok people, we are going to survive. The guy that took the medal for this was the worker at Foot Locker. Before I get to him, I need to rant about this place. Footlocker is trying to make people with strollers not shop at their store. I'm serious. They have rolling racks strategically placed around the store so eventually you just say fuck it and leave because you're tired of trying to maneuver around the store without hitting anything because if you do and it wakes up both your kids. Things go from 0 to 2,000 really fast in this scenario. After trying to avoid the racks and tables like I was playing minesweeper, the associate asked me if he could help from behind the register. As he walked out from behind the register, he focused in on the fact I was pushing a stroller with two infants. He instantly didn't know what to do. I made it easy on him and asked if he had what I was looking for. He quickly said no, and this may have been due to the fact he actually didn't have what I needed, or he was so freaked out that I had twins that he didn't want to have to deal with me any longer before pee started trickling down his leg. Either way I found what I needed in another store so everything was right in the world again. The next thing about the mall that I noticed is kids walking around. I'm not talking toddlers, but 8-12 year old kids just walking around with their parents. School just fucking started last week for you bastards and we are already skipping? Not on my watch girls so don't get any bright ideas.
The final thing I am going to talk about at the mall had nothing to do with Nora and I, but I have to put it in here. We were walking out of one of the stores and I just so happened to look across the way to Bath and Body Works and there was a women pushing a stroller with twins that were about 2 years old in it. Before I could even make a comment about anything, she slams the stroller into the thanksgiving seasonal soap display forcing her stroller to tip over and the kids are now in a free fall. The boy is completely out and is under the small cardboard 20% off sign and her daughter is dangling out of the seat half strapped in still. I do the only thing that is right. I immediately point it out to Nora and we start to laugh. Oh please, if that just made you angry and you are sitting there saying to yourself I can't believe they laughed, then you haven't read my first few blog posts and you probably should just stop reading all together. Forever. Nobody got hurt and this women just nailed the pumpkin spice soap display sending her son into a catapulted adventure and her daughter was dangling like she just had finished bungee jumping hahahahaha. I mean does this women know I'm writing a blog and did she do this on purpose? I couldn't believe it. Nora was laughing, I was laughing, the girls were still sleeping and we were on our way to the Starbucks kiosk in the middle of the mall. Hey don't judge, our girls were still safely in the stroller snug as a bug in a rug. Winning.
Oh, and shout out to Baby Gap for having a PJ zip up onesie for $4. It's white with money blue crabs on it. Maybe the women that tipped her stroller over with both kids in it was trying to get to Baby Gap to scoop up this rare find. We'll never really know, but I can almost guarantee those kids are going to fall out of her stroller again hahahahaha. Until next time people!