The girls both were born with tongue and lip ties which I stated earlier in one of my previous posts. The hospital didn't pick up on them, but in hindsight it was for the better. Our pediatrician has a lactation consultant that we were seeing and she diagnosed it right away in both girls. We shall call this savior from the god's Tammy. Tammy is fucking awesome. She genuinely cares about our girls and our well being which sometimes isn't the case with doctors. I found the pediatrician after doing days of research. I'm not shitting you. I literally would search the internet for pediatricians in the Ashburn, VA area and if I saw one bad review you were cooked. I feed Stark grain-free food and all-natural treats. I spend $5 on all-natural peanut butter that I put in his Kong once a month and buy the $2.99 Jiffy for myself to eat. Yea, that's right. My dog gets better peanut butter than me. At least he did for a good 2 years. Nora finally talked sense into me and I splurge for the extra 2 bones to get the all-natural peanut butter for myself as well. If I do this for my dog, you're damn right I'm going to do extensive research for my kids. I was comfortable with what I found on this one pediatrician and it just so happened Tammy is the lactation consultant at their office and we couldn't be happier. She's helped Nora out immensely. Once Tammy diagnosed the girls with their ties, she recommended a pediatric dentist that specializes in fixing ties. She explained there were two ways to fix them. The dentist either cuts the skin fold where the ties are, or you can go to a specialized dentist that lasers the skin. It's apparently the same thing they now use for circumcision on little boys when they are born, but I'll have to take their word for it since I didn't get to go through that process with two girls. The laser is the better way to go apparently because it heals faster, and also the percentage that the tie re-attaches once clipped is very minimal when comparing it to the cut method. So Tammy tells us all this potent information and we decide to go with this one dentist who specializes in the laser treatment. Once both girls have the ties taken care of they will be able to latch and feed like they are suppose to so we are excited to get both taken care of.
Londyn was the first to have the procedure done last Wednesday and she did great. After they laser the ties, you get to come home and do these things called finger exercises. Back the truck up because it's not as sexy as it sounds. Basically what I have to do 5 times a day is put a rubber glove on, and sweep the top of her lip where the tie use to be, along with under her tongue were the other tie use to be. So picture this, five times a day, your boy puts on the blue rubber glove, lays Londyn down on her back with her feet facing away from me, and I get to proceed with these exercises. You think a 2 week old baby likes this? I'll give you a hint. They don't. Instantly when I start the first sweep she starts to scream and I get to do another two more "exercises" at the site of where the tie use to be. You really can't get mad at her though. Imagine you laying on your couch at home and I just walk over to you and shove my finger in your mouth wearing a glove. 99% of the people reading this blog would ask me what the fuck I was doing and be angry, Londyn just can't speak yet so she cries and screams. It's the same thing, I just would enjoy it more if I was fish hooking some of my friends because of their reaction hahahahha.
Londyn's one week follow up was this morning and she did great. The sites of both tie's look great and are not re-attaching. I now only have to do 3 finger exercises with her a day instead of the 5, so I'll take it. The dentist joked that I should be their finger exercise specialist for the office, which I'm sure she tells everyone that comes in to make them feel better, but I'm going to lie to myself and say she really meant it this time. I'm awesome. Wren had her procedure today after Londyn's follow up, and she has been sleepy all day. I'm sure she is just waiting to keep us up all night, but jokes on her as we have 900 things left on the DVR ready to watch.
Getting to the title of this blog post, I feel as if sometimes parenting makes your IQ go down, and go down a lot in certain aspects. Lack of sleep has almost everything to do with it, but you still feel stupid sometimes. Granted, we have only been doing this for a little over 2 weeks, however in those 2 weeks, two things keep happening to me. The first is this god damn thing:
Londyn was the first to have the procedure done last Wednesday and she did great. After they laser the ties, you get to come home and do these things called finger exercises. Back the truck up because it's not as sexy as it sounds. Basically what I have to do 5 times a day is put a rubber glove on, and sweep the top of her lip where the tie use to be, along with under her tongue were the other tie use to be. So picture this, five times a day, your boy puts on the blue rubber glove, lays Londyn down on her back with her feet facing away from me, and I get to proceed with these exercises. You think a 2 week old baby likes this? I'll give you a hint. They don't. Instantly when I start the first sweep she starts to scream and I get to do another two more "exercises" at the site of where the tie use to be. You really can't get mad at her though. Imagine you laying on your couch at home and I just walk over to you and shove my finger in your mouth wearing a glove. 99% of the people reading this blog would ask me what the fuck I was doing and be angry, Londyn just can't speak yet so she cries and screams. It's the same thing, I just would enjoy it more if I was fish hooking some of my friends because of their reaction hahahahha.
Londyn's one week follow up was this morning and she did great. The sites of both tie's look great and are not re-attaching. I now only have to do 3 finger exercises with her a day instead of the 5, so I'll take it. The dentist joked that I should be their finger exercise specialist for the office, which I'm sure she tells everyone that comes in to make them feel better, but I'm going to lie to myself and say she really meant it this time. I'm awesome. Wren had her procedure today after Londyn's follow up, and she has been sleepy all day. I'm sure she is just waiting to keep us up all night, but jokes on her as we have 900 things left on the DVR ready to watch.
Getting to the title of this blog post, I feel as if sometimes parenting makes your IQ go down, and go down a lot in certain aspects. Lack of sleep has almost everything to do with it, but you still feel stupid sometimes. Granted, we have only been doing this for a little over 2 weeks, however in those 2 weeks, two things keep happening to me. The first is this god damn thing:
Whomever made this never had kids, and to be quite frank, hates everything to do with them. It looks cute right? Well it is, but trying to put a newborn who has the coordination of one of your drunk friends at 4 am into this is nearly impossible. There are 28 buttons on this fucking thing. If you unsnap every single one of them it folds open like a piece of paper. You have to line up every single button to the snap across from it on the other side or else you might as well wrap your baby in crumpled up saran wrap because that's what it's going to fucking look like. Look closely at the picture. You see that snap in the crotch? Yea, that's right you barely can, so imagine how easy it is to find at 3 am with no sleep. If you miss this button you fuck up the entire process. I'm literally batting about 40 % of getting it right on the first time, and proud of this. You think you have everything lined up and you get towards the top button and you realize that you missed one. Well Rocky, that's easy just go and snap the crotch button. It's not that easy assholes because every button you think you miss, you got. It's the one random button that you find on the 9th time of trying to snap your kids pj's correctly. Remember now, the kids been on its back for a good 3-5 minutes after you just woke them up which they love. Screaming has been going on the entire time, and you can't turn the light on because if you do the kid thinks its 1 pm and time to be up for another 3 hours after you finally figure out what you fucked up. Sigh. This is all fixed by one word. Zippers. Zipper pj onesies are like scratching your mosquito bite and the sense of gratification you get from it. It's very simple. You put your kid inside the onesie and zipppppppppppp, she's dressed, she's not screaming, you're happy, and everyone can try to get sleep again. It's literally over in less then 5 seconds. If you want to buy us things and don't want me to swear at you for a few minutes, buy the zipper PJ's. Or don't and waste your money, because Nora and I have come to the conclusion we are done with the middle top to bottom button up onesies.
The other thing that has happened to me numerous times is the case of the missing pacifier. We have pink and purple ones for the girls, and like most things, I have coordinated so that Wren always gets a pink one and Londyn always gets a purple one. They don't use them very often, just to soothe them back to sleep. Basically they are life savors from 11 pm-6 am. Sometimes they need them for a few minutes, other times they need them longer. When they don't need them anymore because they have fallen asleep, I eventually walk by and scoop the paci's up placing them towards their feet in case they need them again during the night. Sounds like a simple system right? Well twice so far I've lost my fucking mind because I couldn't find one of the pacifiers. Let's talk about the first time this happened. I literally couldn't find this thing for hours. It's not that big of a deal Rocky just get another one because you probably have a lot right? Sure we do, and I could have done this but I didn't for two reasons. The first is, I can't have Stark find it and start chewing them like a piece of gum. He'd eventually swallow it and the Vet bill for that would be something I don't want to even think about. The second reason is the pacifier can't win. I need to win. You may be lost now pacifier, but I'll find you. The first time this happened I literally searched the entire house over and over again to no avail. I was a defeated man. I swore that their had to be a midget living in our walk-in closet just fucking with me scooping up the paci's at night once all 5 of us fell asleep. I'd catch him and the pacifier don't you worry. After looking for a very long time, I decided to stop looking because I was angry. Either it was lost, or Stark ate it. Neither I was happy with. A few hours after stopping my FBI search party, I went to go put bottles back in the cabinet we are storing them in and as soon as I opened it up what did I find? You guessed it. The purple pacifier that I had been looking for. The joy that came over my body was unexplainable. I screamed with joy and had to show Nora. I won. I found the pacifer. Nora was not as excited as I was, but lets be honest, I didn't care. Rocky 1 Pacifer 0.
How did this get up in the cabinet you may ask? We don't really know, but my mother stayed with us the first 2 weeks to help out. When living at home with my parents growing up, I always would put my sneakers on the steps going up to my room and miraculously they would walk themselves up to a place unbeknownst to me. My dad didn't move them and neither did I. I was an only child so you do the math.....
The other thing that has happened to me numerous times is the case of the missing pacifier. We have pink and purple ones for the girls, and like most things, I have coordinated so that Wren always gets a pink one and Londyn always gets a purple one. They don't use them very often, just to soothe them back to sleep. Basically they are life savors from 11 pm-6 am. Sometimes they need them for a few minutes, other times they need them longer. When they don't need them anymore because they have fallen asleep, I eventually walk by and scoop the paci's up placing them towards their feet in case they need them again during the night. Sounds like a simple system right? Well twice so far I've lost my fucking mind because I couldn't find one of the pacifiers. Let's talk about the first time this happened. I literally couldn't find this thing for hours. It's not that big of a deal Rocky just get another one because you probably have a lot right? Sure we do, and I could have done this but I didn't for two reasons. The first is, I can't have Stark find it and start chewing them like a piece of gum. He'd eventually swallow it and the Vet bill for that would be something I don't want to even think about. The second reason is the pacifier can't win. I need to win. You may be lost now pacifier, but I'll find you. The first time this happened I literally searched the entire house over and over again to no avail. I was a defeated man. I swore that their had to be a midget living in our walk-in closet just fucking with me scooping up the paci's at night once all 5 of us fell asleep. I'd catch him and the pacifier don't you worry. After looking for a very long time, I decided to stop looking because I was angry. Either it was lost, or Stark ate it. Neither I was happy with. A few hours after stopping my FBI search party, I went to go put bottles back in the cabinet we are storing them in and as soon as I opened it up what did I find? You guessed it. The purple pacifier that I had been looking for. The joy that came over my body was unexplainable. I screamed with joy and had to show Nora. I won. I found the pacifer. Nora was not as excited as I was, but lets be honest, I didn't care. Rocky 1 Pacifer 0.
How did this get up in the cabinet you may ask? We don't really know, but my mother stayed with us the first 2 weeks to help out. When living at home with my parents growing up, I always would put my sneakers on the steps going up to my room and miraculously they would walk themselves up to a place unbeknownst to me. My dad didn't move them and neither did I. I was an only child so you do the math.....