Yesterday was the girls 1 month birthday. I find it hilarious that I use to mock Nora for her bush league "half-birthday" schtick, and here I am pumped to celebrate the girls 1 month. It's just a prelude to everything from here on out until I'm 6 feet under, as they'll get whatever they want whenever they want. We celebrated by going out to Bar Louie for dinner. At 4:30 pm. You read that right. It was a great day and we got to sit outside at one of the tables while the girls slept in the stroller. Let me paint you the scene at Bar Louie. It's 4:30 on a Thursday, so there are three types of people here at this time; drunks, people over 70, and families with young newborns. Never thought you'd see that trio together did you? The drunk people in their 40's are there because it's happy hour and they don't have a job (probably because of their happy hour visits during work hours), old people sweat eating dinner before 5 pm (because of the prices and they're sleeping by normal dinner hours), and then their is the families with newborns. Nora and I want to get the girls out as much as possible, because we want to get them accustomed to being out, and also so her and I don't kill each other cooped up in the house. This is where the divide is with the other two groups at restaurants during this time.
The drunks fall into two sub categories. There is the category of just sheer anger when they see you and the category of self-disgust. Lets dive into these two. The angry drunks just want to be left alone. They are either flying solo at the bar or are at tables talking to others that are just as miserable in life as them. Once they see a stroller it's like the end of the world. I picture they want to talk to you and your children like Will Smith does in the movie Independence day when he is dragging the alien across the dessert in the parachute. For those of you that don't know the scene here it is https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qjh_YGrtN9k . It's almost like it's their restaurant and you've stepped over the boundary line. How am I suppose to drain my sorrows in a vodka tonic when you're stroller is over there with its money floral carseat cover pattern? It's comical really. Then there is the self-disgust drunks when they see you walk in pushing the stroller. They aren't mad you're physically there with the babies like the first sub-group, they are upset at themselves because apparently seeing a baby makes you run through where you are in life and everything that you've fucked up or didn't do up to that very moment you see the stroller. Throw in two babies and some people just want to finish their drink and call it a night right there. Again, not because they don't want you and the stroller there, but because you and the stroller make them realize that their life sucks and at the age of 40, they've pretty much lived half of it and pissed it away. Not my fault, nor my children's, so let me eat my bavarian pretzel sticks and queso in peace. Thank you.
The older people aren't bothered by anything. Screaming baby? Large stroller? Who gives a shit, I'm eating these cheese quesadillas for $4.50. The table right by us had 4 elderly people in their mid 70's and all they cared about was they were 1. alive 2. outside and 3. boozing with their half priced apps. I mean these two women were sucking down corona's and martini's like they were at one of their 21st birthday parties. I'm not judging you ladies so drink away. And where's the waiter because I need another captain and coke?
The last group is the one we now are so thankful we fall into. Families eat this early because quite frankly it's easier. You feed the girls before leaving and you have roughly about a 2-3 hour window to go out and feel like part of society again. There were a few people their with newborns and they had 2 things in common. The first was they all were drinking and the next was they were speed eating. I don't blame them. I'm a fast eater to begin with, however now I have a entire new meaning to why I eat fast. The faster I eat, the more time I have to do other things since the girls are sleeping. In this case, the faster I eat, the more time I have to enjoy being outside and order more cocktails. A lot of families also were out with their kids between the ages of 1-2. These people right now can have their fun and I'll wait on that part which is coming up later for us. I'm not looking forward to grabbing for some calamari before having to put it down because Londyn is sprinting towards the fountain next to the restaurant we are at. Not yet at least. All in all, the girls have been great. We've took them to the dog water park, the mall, and now out to a restaurant for the first time. They loved it, minus the end when Wren started screaming because she was hungry. Cue the angry drunk 43 year old.
Since we've been crushing this parenting thing for a month now, I wanted to go over a few things below:
"Sleep when they are sleeping": Nora and I are so thankful for everything that everyone has done for us. The cards, food, gifts, etc all have blown us away. Our favorite though is the reaction we get after some with one baby give this advise. You're going to be exhausted so you have to sleep blah blah blah. We listen, but then after they are done giving their powerpoint about how little Susie slept and that is when they had to get sleep as well to survive, we hit them with a simple thank you. However that doesn't work for us. We have two. I'm sure Londyn would love it if Nora fed Wren and then we just said fuck it and punted feeding her next to take a nap. Sorry baby girl, Daddy and Mommy are tired and your sister is sleeping, so we are gonna do the same. Once we make the advisees realize this can't happen, they give the look like holy shit these two are fucked, and then hit us with the "Oh, I didn't even think of that."
"0-3 Month Clothing"- I don't know if this is just something that is a problem for Nora and I since the girls were so small when born, but this 0-3 month thing seems like one of the most difficult things to figure out. How the hell can a baby that is 12 pounds fit into the same outfit that a baby that is 22 pounds fits into. Same thing goes for the length they give for this sizing. This is the range for 0-3 month clothing. I'm 6'2, 175 pounds. I have size 34 jeans and they need to be a certain length for me to be comfortable in them. I want you to go to a store and try to fit into a size that is technically 1 1/2-3 sizes smaller or bigger then you. Doesn't fit right does it? No shit. Another genius baby idea from someone that I hope I never have to meet.
"Cloth diapers"- A few people prior to the girls told us to get these because they used them. Others told us to not even attempt because it was a pain in the ass. To those that used cloth diapers and told us to use them, I don't know if you're insane or just were trying to fuck with me. Nora and I use them as burp clothes, but the thought of me physically putting this on one of my children is up there on my to do list with walking to California from Virginia. I can't even imagine trying to put a make shift diaper made of cloth around Wren or Londyn at 3 am because you know they are so corporative when you're trying to change them. They don't move at all. Nope, not one bit. I don't care if you can wash the cloth diapers and then re-use them to save money. Here's an idea. Go take a shit in your boxers or whatever underwear you use, throw it in the washer, and then repeat all these steps a few times. Sounds fucking disgusting right? Well that's because it is. Pampers for the win!
"Sleep Sacks"- These things are my favorite thing in the world from 10 pm-6:30 am. The girls couldn't fit in them for the first 3 weeks because they were too tiny to fit in them to work properly but now they can. Wow what a difference. For those of you that don't know what they are, it's basically a newborn straight jacket in blanket form. It holds their arms down so they can't distract themselves while they are trying to go to sleep. Londyn was resistant at first, but she can't fight the moonlight now. The sleep sack always wins. Wren loves it and would be in it all day if we allowed it. Ive made Nora order more because if I have to, I'll keep putting them in the same ones over and over again so that we all can get some sleep.
"Auto-Rock & Plays"- Whoever invented this. I love you. That is all I have to say.
I could keep going, but I'm sure I'll touch on a few other things in later posts. Sorry for the delay from post to post I'm a little bit busy on a day to day basis. Hope all are enjoying what I'm putting out there, because I sure am!
The drunks fall into two sub categories. There is the category of just sheer anger when they see you and the category of self-disgust. Lets dive into these two. The angry drunks just want to be left alone. They are either flying solo at the bar or are at tables talking to others that are just as miserable in life as them. Once they see a stroller it's like the end of the world. I picture they want to talk to you and your children like Will Smith does in the movie Independence day when he is dragging the alien across the dessert in the parachute. For those of you that don't know the scene here it is https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qjh_YGrtN9k . It's almost like it's their restaurant and you've stepped over the boundary line. How am I suppose to drain my sorrows in a vodka tonic when you're stroller is over there with its money floral carseat cover pattern? It's comical really. Then there is the self-disgust drunks when they see you walk in pushing the stroller. They aren't mad you're physically there with the babies like the first sub-group, they are upset at themselves because apparently seeing a baby makes you run through where you are in life and everything that you've fucked up or didn't do up to that very moment you see the stroller. Throw in two babies and some people just want to finish their drink and call it a night right there. Again, not because they don't want you and the stroller there, but because you and the stroller make them realize that their life sucks and at the age of 40, they've pretty much lived half of it and pissed it away. Not my fault, nor my children's, so let me eat my bavarian pretzel sticks and queso in peace. Thank you.
The older people aren't bothered by anything. Screaming baby? Large stroller? Who gives a shit, I'm eating these cheese quesadillas for $4.50. The table right by us had 4 elderly people in their mid 70's and all they cared about was they were 1. alive 2. outside and 3. boozing with their half priced apps. I mean these two women were sucking down corona's and martini's like they were at one of their 21st birthday parties. I'm not judging you ladies so drink away. And where's the waiter because I need another captain and coke?
The last group is the one we now are so thankful we fall into. Families eat this early because quite frankly it's easier. You feed the girls before leaving and you have roughly about a 2-3 hour window to go out and feel like part of society again. There were a few people their with newborns and they had 2 things in common. The first was they all were drinking and the next was they were speed eating. I don't blame them. I'm a fast eater to begin with, however now I have a entire new meaning to why I eat fast. The faster I eat, the more time I have to do other things since the girls are sleeping. In this case, the faster I eat, the more time I have to enjoy being outside and order more cocktails. A lot of families also were out with their kids between the ages of 1-2. These people right now can have their fun and I'll wait on that part which is coming up later for us. I'm not looking forward to grabbing for some calamari before having to put it down because Londyn is sprinting towards the fountain next to the restaurant we are at. Not yet at least. All in all, the girls have been great. We've took them to the dog water park, the mall, and now out to a restaurant for the first time. They loved it, minus the end when Wren started screaming because she was hungry. Cue the angry drunk 43 year old.
Since we've been crushing this parenting thing for a month now, I wanted to go over a few things below:
"Sleep when they are sleeping": Nora and I are so thankful for everything that everyone has done for us. The cards, food, gifts, etc all have blown us away. Our favorite though is the reaction we get after some with one baby give this advise. You're going to be exhausted so you have to sleep blah blah blah. We listen, but then after they are done giving their powerpoint about how little Susie slept and that is when they had to get sleep as well to survive, we hit them with a simple thank you. However that doesn't work for us. We have two. I'm sure Londyn would love it if Nora fed Wren and then we just said fuck it and punted feeding her next to take a nap. Sorry baby girl, Daddy and Mommy are tired and your sister is sleeping, so we are gonna do the same. Once we make the advisees realize this can't happen, they give the look like holy shit these two are fucked, and then hit us with the "Oh, I didn't even think of that."
"0-3 Month Clothing"- I don't know if this is just something that is a problem for Nora and I since the girls were so small when born, but this 0-3 month thing seems like one of the most difficult things to figure out. How the hell can a baby that is 12 pounds fit into the same outfit that a baby that is 22 pounds fits into. Same thing goes for the length they give for this sizing. This is the range for 0-3 month clothing. I'm 6'2, 175 pounds. I have size 34 jeans and they need to be a certain length for me to be comfortable in them. I want you to go to a store and try to fit into a size that is technically 1 1/2-3 sizes smaller or bigger then you. Doesn't fit right does it? No shit. Another genius baby idea from someone that I hope I never have to meet.
"Cloth diapers"- A few people prior to the girls told us to get these because they used them. Others told us to not even attempt because it was a pain in the ass. To those that used cloth diapers and told us to use them, I don't know if you're insane or just were trying to fuck with me. Nora and I use them as burp clothes, but the thought of me physically putting this on one of my children is up there on my to do list with walking to California from Virginia. I can't even imagine trying to put a make shift diaper made of cloth around Wren or Londyn at 3 am because you know they are so corporative when you're trying to change them. They don't move at all. Nope, not one bit. I don't care if you can wash the cloth diapers and then re-use them to save money. Here's an idea. Go take a shit in your boxers or whatever underwear you use, throw it in the washer, and then repeat all these steps a few times. Sounds fucking disgusting right? Well that's because it is. Pampers for the win!
"Sleep Sacks"- These things are my favorite thing in the world from 10 pm-6:30 am. The girls couldn't fit in them for the first 3 weeks because they were too tiny to fit in them to work properly but now they can. Wow what a difference. For those of you that don't know what they are, it's basically a newborn straight jacket in blanket form. It holds their arms down so they can't distract themselves while they are trying to go to sleep. Londyn was resistant at first, but she can't fight the moonlight now. The sleep sack always wins. Wren loves it and would be in it all day if we allowed it. Ive made Nora order more because if I have to, I'll keep putting them in the same ones over and over again so that we all can get some sleep.
"Auto-Rock & Plays"- Whoever invented this. I love you. That is all I have to say.
I could keep going, but I'm sure I'll touch on a few other things in later posts. Sorry for the delay from post to post I'm a little bit busy on a day to day basis. Hope all are enjoying what I'm putting out there, because I sure am!